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QUESTION 1: I have a 10-yr old boy who has a very bad temper. He gets very angry when he does not get what he wants. He will beat the floor and cry loud. Please help.
RESPONSE: What your son is doing is throwing a Tantrum. A tantrum is usually acted out on purpose in order to achieve or get what he wants. It is extremely overwhelming for both child and parent when such episodes take place.
When dealing with tantrums, the first thing to do is to stay calm and be patient! Yelling or screaming at him will only aggravate the situation. Ignoring him, remaining calm and letting him ‘be’ is one way of dealing with it. A re-assuring hug also works. From next time please do not give in to the tantrum by giving him what he wants. It becomes like a habit, a cause and effect like situation. Hence you need to break the habit immediately!
Tantrums are usually triggered by something and there is always a pattern. You as a parent will definitely know what those are; therefore you can prevent tantrum episodes by working around the trigger. Find ways to distract him. For example if you have to take him to the market, give him fun tasks to do, like helping you pick up or count things, and more importantly not forgetting to praise or acknowledge him for his efforts.
You can also have a heart to heart talk with him(when he is least distracted and calm) and share how you felt about the tantrum episode(using words like sad or hurt), but not denting his self-esteem, instead empathise with him and find solutions together. Please keep in mind that the situation will not improve overnight, therefore you need to follow through, be patient and set a good example. Good luck!
QUESTION 2: I am afraid to approach girls in case they reject me or laugh at me. I like a girl in my locality but I do not know what to do.
RESPONSE: Everyone at some point in their lives gets rejected in one way or another. Rejection is a part of life and in order to deal with it, one must be prepared. Anyone who has faced being rejected will tell you it is definitely not easy, it hits us hard and yes it hurts! But one needs to get over the initial blow, get back up and move on.
Rejection comes in many forms, many people associate rejection only with romantic relationships, but rejection can happen at home, at school, at work etc. People who cannot handle rejection often go through something called ‘social exclusion’, which in turn can have a serious toll on your emotional and mental health.
As mentioned earlier, rejection is a part of life and one must be prepared in order to deal with it, because in life there are no guarantees. In your case, having a plan (keeping in mind and preparing for the consequences) will give you the confidence, as well as ways to cope, regardless of what the results maybe.
Different people react to rejection differently. Some just simply brush it off, while some take it really hard and personally, which in turn makes them feel worthless and scared. Don’t beat yourself up when it happens! Avoid saying or feeling negative about yourself. Build up your self-esteem by looking at the positive qualities. I am sure that at some point in your life you have accomplished something. Don’t let rejection define who you are or what you are capable of. Never give up! Don’t let rejection ruin your self-worth especially. All the best.
QUESTION 3: Valentine’s Day is coming and I am all alone as usual. My friends all have guys to go out with and have plans. I feel really bad and jealous at times. What can I do!!!???
RESPONSE: I am glad that you reached out for help at the right time. Which now gives you plenty of time to prepare for D-Day! Ok first things first, 14th February is just a date on the calendar! Try not to make a big deal about it. Valentine ’s Day was never a big deal this side of the world, until it was rubbed on our faces once cable TV came into our lives. Ahh the simpler times.
Your friends have plans with guys, so what!? So you are single, soooo what! You don’t always have to go by what society dictates all the time and feel pressured unnecessarily! Remember, your life your rules! Trust me you are not the only one who does not have plans with the boys!
Make the best out of the situation rather than sitting at home sulking and hating yourself. Why beat yourself up when you have done nothing wrong? If valentine’s day is about love, then start by loving yourself. Why, you may ask? Well, because you deserve it. You do not need that ‘someone’ to make you feel special, you can make yourself feel special and be proud of it!
Make a list of your own plans. Go out and have fun! You can maybe treat yourself to a day at the beauty parlour during the day and plan to meet up with other date-less girl and guy pals for a get together in the evening. You can also go on a holiday with them, or buy that dress and pair of shoes you have been drooling over. See! So many things to do. Now start making that list and have lots of fun! You deserve it girl and do not let anything stop you!