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QUESTION 1: My sisters are tall and skinny. I am the fat one!!!!! I hate the way I look. People don’t say anything BUT I know they are thinking it!!!! I hate going out with them…But we love each other…what do idoooo????
RESPONSE: I totally understand where you are coming from and what you are going through. Since you asked me for my advice on what to do, the first thing I would like to say to you is to STOP THINKING of what people are saying or going to say about you. The fact that you are already thinking of a worse case scenario (without it even existing) will make you feel miserable and negative.
I could also go on talking all day about what constitutes beauty but remember no one is perfect. No one! Each person has their own take on what defines beauty. Some find personality more attractive, some find dusky beautiful, some find large women more beautiful than slim ones.
But above all else it is how you see yourself at the end of the day. It really does not matter how tall or short, or fat or thin you are, as long as you are living a balanced healthy lifestyle which impacts not only your physical wellbeing, but your emotional and mental well being as well. I am sure you have so many amazing qualities. Start with those. Be kind to yourself.
Everyone is unique and special in their own way. As long as you are healthy, confident and comfortable in your own skin you are just fine. I also believe that being a good human being is another very important factor to consider. You may have come across extremely pretty or good looking people but then you come to realise that they are not nice people, so what’s the use right? Looks don’t last forever, but who you are as a PERSON will be your legacy.
If weight is an issue and you still want to do something about it, then I would suggest you consult your doctor to find out what is your ideal Body Mass Index (BMI) according to your height and age. The BMI will tell you whether you are underweight, ideal or overweight and then work towards it accordingly, SAFELY!
Once you have determined this then you can start listing down your goals and start working towards them. You can do it! All the best!
QUESTION 2: I like a girl from college but I am too shy to ask her for a date. I am scared.
RESPONSE: It is completely natural to have butterflies in your stomach, but there is absolutely nothing to be scared of. She is not going to bite or rip your head off. She is just a normal human being like you are.
What you need is a plan! Let’s start off with you. The better your self-esteem, the more confident you will be. Therefore, work on it. List down all your positive attributes and achievements. These should give you the boost that you need. Remember no one is perfect, but try not to go overboard as well. Be honest and be yourself.
Next, practice makes perfect, so work on your approach and ways to charm her. Keep it simple and try not being overbearing, women do not like it when men come on to them too strongly. Before this you can try to find out what she likes or what her interests are and work your way from there.
Plan your approach in phases. For example, phase one could include a smile and a simple hi, phase two could include you saying ‘Hi! How are you? You are looking nice today’, and maybe initiate a conversation.
Remember time will tell you everything you need to know. You will get to know each other better. And if she sees a genuine interest in you then ask her out. But remember that things may not always go according to plan as well. She may lose interest or change her mind. And it absolutely OK, as long as you are mentally prepared to face the consequences. Rejection is part of life and everyone goes through it in some form or the other.
Please remember that your priority right now are your academics, hence nothing should take away your focus. Have your fun but try to balance it out so that your goals are achieved. All the best!
QUESTION 3: After my boyfriend cheated on me I just hate men and I don’t trust them! But I get very lonely especially when I see my friends with their guys. Can you help?
RESPONSE: Life may seem unfair to you at this point, but it is not the end of the world. Remember that everything happens for a reason, and a good one at that! It could have been worse right? What if you were engaged or married and he cheated on you? When you come to think of it, he actually did you a favour; he set you free! He will be the one who will be imprisoned by guilt for the rest of his life. Remember that you always take away many valuable lessons from such experiences. You now have a chance to start over!
The foundation of any relationship is trust and honesty and what he did to you has shaken up that very foundation. But please remember not everyone is the same. Do not give up or lose hope. We all need that someone special in our lives. Now that you are free, don’t lock yourself up and shun the world. You will feel worse. People cope or deal with heartbreak in different ways. The one thing to remember is not to go overboard and put yourself in danger. Try to go about it with a positive mind and a clear conscience.
You are feeling lonely because although you want to be with someone, you are holding back from any commitment because you are afraid of being hurt all over again. Nothing wrong in that but remember time is everything. Give yourself time to heal. Do the things you love. Meet and reach out to friends and family. Be positive and surround yourself with positivity. Please do not give up hope and when you meet someone you fancy, take time to get to know that person before you jump into anything. But at the same time, please try not to bring the past into a new relationship, otherwise you will never learn to trust anyone again, and it will not be fair on the other person as well. Therefore, take it slow and easy. Also, pay attention to the important things in your life. Prioritise your life and set goals. This will give you something to look forward to and help you move forward in life. Look after yourself and don’t forget to have fun! Good luck!