Home Ask the Experts Love Chat | January 13, 2018

Love Chat | January 13, 2018

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Dear LoveChat:

I am 26 year old male who will be getting my divorce by the end of June. My wife and I have been separated for close to two years now and see each other only when I pick up my daughter. I recently met someone that got my interest but she is currently seeing someone. She seems interested in me and has been asking me about my current relationship. According to her, her current boyfriend has been avoiding spending time with her since the past six months. I told her that he wants out and she should get out. I also asked her if she would like to go out with me just to have fun and she took my phone number and she said she would call.

Since I am technically still married, is it alright to go out on a date? This is not a situation where I say I am going to be divorced and am not. I have the papers to be signed. But is there anything wrong with me going out on a simple little date? If not with her, but somebody else. – Almost Single

Dear “Almost Single”

Since you and your wife have been separated for 2 years and are almost divorced, there is nothing wrong in dating again, provided you’re upfront with the woman you’re dating.  Clarify that you are legally separated but not yet divorced. As long as you’re upfront and honest with the woman you want to date and as long as she’s willing, I see no harm done.

As for the woman who is in an unsatisfactory relationship with her boyfriend – as long as she’s not engaged or dating your best friend, there is no reason why you can’t ask her out. If that includes telling her that her boyfriend is not treating her the way she deserves to be treated, and that you would treat her better, it’s all fair in love and war. It’s good that she asked for your phone number, but don’t wait for her to call you. Call her and find out if she’s really ready to date or not. She may only want someone to unload her problems – so if she’s not ready to date, move on to someone else.

You can also send it your questions to our Advice Columnists by clicking here!

Dear LoveChat:

I have been involved with this guy since high school. We dated on and off with numerous breaks in between. The last time I broke up with him was a year ago. Every time we break up, we eventually end up together again. The longest we didn’t speak was about 4 months or so. So even now, we are again hanging out again.

This has been going on for about 7 years but he still won’t commit. He says he’s not completely together so he’s not ready. Not ready includes a relationship, moving in, and certainly marriage. I just can’t figure out what to do. Some of my main concerns are why I can’t let go of him and why he won’t let go or completely hang on.

When we were apart, he dated other people but I never did. He is the only serious boyfriend I’ve had. I really need HELP! Thank You! – Desperate and Depressed

Dear Desperate,

Seven years is too long to wait for someone to decide whether they really want to be with you or not, especially since you aren’t even at a point where he can admit he’s in a relationship. You’re afraid to be without him because you have never tried being with anyone else and it reaches a point where the relationship you have (no matter how rotten it is) seems better than the unknown or having no relationship at all.

Why does he keep coming around? It’s simple. You gave him everything he wanted on his terms, and he never had to give you anything you want. It’s better to start over with a new person than to get the old person to change. You’ve allowed him to have you without making a commitment and he will always take advantage of that. The only hope you can have of getting him to commit is to stop giving him everything he wants without getting anything you want. Break up with him and cut off all communication unless he makes a commitment.

You need to take action to save your life and find the relationship you deserve.

You can also send it your questions to our Advice Columnists by clicking here!

Dear LoveChat:

We started dating in college and have been in a long distance relationship the last 4 years. About a year ago, I started to ask him if he wanted to get married and even though he said yes, it’s been a year now and still nothing.

Last week, I got impatient and brought up the topic again. We ended up getting into an argument and I left his house. That was the last time I saw him. Over the next few days, we barely spoke until he finally called me yesterday and told me he wanted to take a break. It’s been 3 months since then and I can’t seem to move on. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be convinced that I will find someone better than him. – Should I Let Go?

Dear “Should I Let Go?

I think you should let go and move on because after dating for five years, marriage is an obvious step. If he wanted you back, he’d come after you, but I think the distance and the pressure you both felt about whether or not to marry, ultimately made the relationship break down. You wanted to get married but clearly he was not ready and because you were impatient about, it created a wedge between you.

Five years is a long time and it’s understandable that you are still unable to move on in just 3 months. If you accept the break up as final and grieve the ending of the relationship, you’re going to have an easier time moving on, rather than checking to see if he’s still there. And when you do move on, play the field and look for someone who is ready for the same things in life that you are. If you want marriage, date guys who seem to want the same thing, and don’t commit to someone who has lots of good qualities — but who doesn’t want to get married.

You can also send it your questions to our Advice Columnists by clicking here!


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