Home Ask the Experts ASK THE EXPERTS | BeHappy Counselling -January 6, 2018

ASK THE EXPERTS | BeHappy Counselling -January 6, 2018

Be Happy Counselling Services aims to help resolve any issues that children between the ages 3-18 years of age and their parents face with Time Management, Career Guidance, Child abuse, Parenting etc


All names and questions sent via the column page will be seen ONLY by the Counsellor. Therefore, details shared will be kept highly confidential.

QUESTION 1: After my class 12 I am going to study outside. I have no friends and I know I will miss my friends at home. I am scared I may lose them. I’m crying already…

ANSWER: These thoughts which are crossing you mind are very normal. Life is all about changes, and change is not always easy. Hence we must know how to deal with them so that we can move forward in life. There are also different kinds of changes; the expected and the unexpected changes. In your case you already know what is to come.

Start by thinking positive. Consider your age and the stage you are in your life. Yes, friends mean everything to us. They have been with you through thick and thin and the people you trust and have formed a unique bond with and the thought of loosing can be scary.

Consider yourself fortunate to be living in the digital age where all forms of communication are available to us. Gone are the days of handwritten letters and carrier pigeons! Therefore, the first step to maintaining any kind of friendship is communication! Make a friendship pact before you go your separate ways on how and when you speak to each other. Make use of Skype, Facebook and Whatsapp. Facebook is there for the world to see, but messaging or calling makes it more personal.

Though all said and done, please keep in mind that change is not always situational. People change as well. You may find the friendship dynamic between you and your friends changing now that you are away, and that is ok. No one is doing it intentionally to make you feel bad; it is just part of life and one has to be able to cope. People move on with their lives and priorities change. Everyone goes through it. It’s part of the growing up process.

Also, look at the move to a new place as the beginning of exciting adventures and opportunities. Your priority at this point will definitely be your academics, but also do try to make an effort to make new friends. It will give you something to look forward to. Who knows, you may even form more amazing and meaningful friendships with people in your new college.

Be positive from the get-go and do not shut the door on new opportunities. Your new college and routine is also bound to keep you busy and on your toes. As long as you are able to find that balance and be happy, do not let anything hold you back. Good luck!


QUESTION 2: My New Year resolution is to lose weight!!! The new year new me thingy. But I am just not able to bring myself to begin or stick to resolution. Very weak will power. How can I change???

ANSWER: Ah! The New Year, New Me New Year resolution. Well, good on you for giving it a thought. And now it is time to put that thought into action!

First, you will need to start with a plan. Look at loosing weight as a life goal and for every goal you need to make an action plan based on phases, objectives and outcomes. Take it one step at a time. Loosing weight does not begin at the gym, it begins with your mind! Yes, your mind, because until you have the motivation, will power and discipline you will not be able to see it through.

Loosing weight is not about just loosing the pounds. The more you loose weight the more confidence you will gain. And once you have reached your target weight it’s a great feeling of accomplishment. But you should also remember to remain consistent and persistent so that you do not fall back. You will also require a lot of patience and diligence.

The task of loosing weight is a true test of one’s mental and physical capacity. Therefore, the more you plan, work out your goals and priorities, the better it will be for you. Though there are many DIY resources on loosing weight out there, I would suggest you speak to a fitness instructor, as well as a general physician. They will be able to guide you accordingly. One must not try to jump the gun here or else you may suffer permanent damage.

Now coming back to your goals, you will need to work backwards, especially since you mentioned having weak will power. Therefore with that, because until you have a strong and consistent will power, loosing weight and achieving other goals will be difficult or impossible.

Please keep in mind that motivation+discipline=will power. One cannot do without the other. Loosing weight here maybe just be one of the many things you need to sort out or work on in your life at present. Make a list of priorities and based on those priorities set your goals and time line. These important components need practice, hence start small, slow and steady. Move forward with a positivity and patience and you will definitely get there. All the best!


QUESTION 3: How can I manage time? By the time I do something, the day is already gone. I hate it

ANSWER: 24 hours in a day does not seem enough right? But at the same time we often look around and wonder how is it that there are people who are able to manage or balance time and multi-task, while others cannot? The answer is good time management!

So what does management involve? Management involves planning, execution/exercising and consistency. Once you are able to manage time you will be able to function effectively, even when the pressure are high.

With good time management you will have less anxiety, less stress, you will be able to focus on the task at hand, you will earn a reputation of being disciplined and people will look up to you, and more importantly you will have the opportunity to move forward toward achieving your goals.

On the other hand bad time management causes you to be stressed all the time, this in turn will lead to poor concentration, backlog/pile-up of work, poor sleep,  quality of work will suffer and you will earn yourself a reputation of being lazy or unproductive.

So how does one manage time effectively?

Following are a few ways for you to get a good head start on managing time and achieving your goals:

  1. Clean up the mess!: Get organised, start de-cluttering your life and work space. Do away with what is unimportant and useless. Create an environment which is conducive to effectiveness. For example, tidy up your room (no wants likes to study with mess all around).A clean room= a clear mind. Include tidying up in your routine. Rather than waiting for the mess to pile up, take 5 minutes to clean up daily. You will feel really good about yourself. Believe me!
  2. Get you priorities straight: List down what is important and what is not. Making a To-Do List really helps! Have a note pad and pen with you, make notes on your phone, have a board in front of you etc. You can have daily, weekly schedules/routines, starting from the time you wake up till the time you go to bed. This will help you plan better, avoid back logs, etc. Remember to include breaks in between activities so that you do not ‘burn out’. Reward yourself once in while for achieving a goal or completing a task on time.
  3. Remove/eliminate the unimportant things or time wasters. Ask yourself what distracts you?For example, it could be Facebook, messages, mobile, friends dropping in at odd hours etc. If it’s not important it can be dealt with later. Remember your priorities!
  4. Assess your high energy and low energy times. Base your routine on these, especially when it comes to studying. Study tough subjects during high energy times and easier subjects on low energy times.
  5. Set reminders especially for deadlines. Try completing a task before the deadline date or time. This will help especially if you are multi-tasking.
  6. Learn to say NO! To yourself and to others: Don’t take on more than you can handle.
  7. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. This will help take a lot of pressure off you.
  8. Last but not the least; please look after yourself because poor time management can lead to lack of sleep, which can then snowball into many other health related issues. The better you are able to manage time the better you will sleep. All the best!



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